guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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