apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize