We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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