Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
