im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im six kinds of drunk right now
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
