I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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