Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
