im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
