Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
