I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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