He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
