kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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