Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
