i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
