if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
