Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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