had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
