Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
