I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
