do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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