Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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