Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
