i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
