The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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