I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
