whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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