Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
