this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
