lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You can't special order awesome
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
