We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
