all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
