we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
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I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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