accomplished twins. life is a go
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
