recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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