More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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