Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish you could order shots online.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
