Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
