i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There r osticjed everywhere
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
