Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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