New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
