So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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