Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
