worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
