Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
