I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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