i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She's not a foreskin expert like you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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