weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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