I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
