I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
