Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
