Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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