I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
