Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
