After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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