I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You made out with two different species that night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
