real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
