A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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