It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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