Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
