Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
