He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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