I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
