I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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