We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
