I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
