Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
this will be a night to untag.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
