So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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