I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
