Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
