I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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