There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
