I hate all girls vehemently.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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