He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
