how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
