I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
