I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She bit a glass in half.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
