i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3