I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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