And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!