I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
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Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"