I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups