I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
