its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
