so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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