yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
