my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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